Hey girls,
so this blog is not like my normal blogs....it is a little different.
Tonight I was at my grandparents having a wonderful time! It was my brother birthday dinner, so of course he picked a yummy dinner!!!!
Anyways it was time for us to leave.....Matt and Kelli left first, I was still sitting on the couch, and just yelled goodbye(which is normal). Well as soon as mat walked out the door he fell down the three steps outside the door. I was not calm cool and collected at all, I felt like I was having a panic attack. Then by the time I could get up and walk over there Kelli (who was walking to help him) also fell. This made it worse. My heart was racing and I was shaking. Everyone else was over talking to them and trying to figure out what to do. All I could hear was Kelli crying.... I froze and couldn't do anything. I didn't know what to do. All I could do was yell for my dad to come and help them (even though everyone else was out there, I just felt like my dad needed to be there also). Anyways they are both okay, Kelli twisted her ankle but she walked away, I am sure she will be sore in the morning.....
Now the reason I am writing this blog is because I realized tonight that I have a crazy fear.......I am afraid Matt is going to die. In my mind all I see was Matt on the ground, twisted up and bleeding......(there was no blood) I was so scared, I didn't know what to do....I am sure this steams from him being sick and having a realistic opportunity for him to die, but he didn't and he is strong and he is doing WONDERFUL, But I will be 100% honest I am terrified something is going to happen to him. This is not a new feeling it just came out badly tonight, alot of that being tied in that every birthday we celebrate with his is a true blessing. I honestly do not know what to do or how to make it better, but I can't stop crying. My nerves are shot, I just want him to always be in a bubble...
He is 26 years old I need to get over it, but for some reason I can't I am just so afraid of losing him.
okay I am going to stop...
thanks for listening!
Katie
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Scay moments
Posted by Angelhugs at 7:11 PM
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1 comments:
He's your brother and you love him so you're always going to be scared when anything happens with him. It just takes you back to when you learned about the cancer and how sick he was then. Anytime anything happens with him, it's going to trigger that. You just have to deal with it. Life can't be lived in a bubble. And even if it could, you really don't want that.
If I were to diagnose you, I would say you have post traumatic stress disorder. It's a mild case, but it goes back to Matt's cancer. Anything with him will always be a trigger, but it will ease with time. It's nothing to be concerned about. And you do have a mild case.
Hope everything is going well today, and tell your brother Happy Birthday!
Love you lots.
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